Terms of Endearment (1983)
Every family has a short list of movies that regularly rotate on the TVs in the house. These movies tend to go hand-in-hand with slow Sunday afternoons, or early mornings when someone is up surfing through cable movie channels. If one of these movies is on, we stop and watch no matter how many times we have seen it before.
Terms of Endearment, directed by James L. Brooks, based on the Larry McMurtry novel of the same name, is near the top of the “regularly on the TV” list in my family. We could also add this to the list of movies that never fails to make my mom cry. Maybe it’s because we’re a Houstonian family, and the scenes set in Houston resonate deeply with us. I mean, how many times have you seen Houston on the big screen? Anyways, Terms of Endearment clearly impacted audiences when it was released in 1983. It became the second-highest grossing film of the year, and won 5 out of the 11 Academy Awards it was nominated for.
The film follows a mother-daughter duo and covers a 30-year span of their relationship. The mother, Aurora, played by Shirley MacLaine, has a complex relationship with her maturing daughter, Emma, played by Debra Winger. They clearly love each other, but never can see eye to eye. They are each other’s biggest supporters while also being each other’s biggest source of heartache. Aurora and Emma reside in the well-to-do neighborhood of River Oaks in Houston. However, once Emma marries her boyfriend Flap (Jeff Daniels), whom her mother very much dislikes, the newly-weds move to Iowa for Flap’s career. Aurora, now alone in Houston, must face her independence and come to terms with the fact that she cannot control those whom she cares for the most. As Aurora and Emma ease into their new lives, they remain bonded but with space, slowly learn to grow on their own. Aurora, whose rigidity has led her to turn down many romantic prospects, finds herself in a relationship with her next-door neighbor, Garrett (Jack Nicholson). Garrett, a certified playboy, is probably the exact opposite of Aurora’s ideal man. This relationship allows her to engage in a carefree nature she has never let herself experience before. Emma, who has always approached life in a more carefree, “follow the leader” manner than her mother, becomes more decisive and in control of her own narrative when her marriage hits the rocks. Both women come to realize the value in navigating life together despite having different perspectives. The film calls us to examine relationships in our own lives, and how unconditional love means accepting and learning to share life with others, not bend theirs to fit into ours, or vice versa.
The simplicity of Terms of Endearment is one of its qualities that has aged the best. It genuinely feels like James L. Brooks picked up a camera and started following these individuals around. The costumes and settings are not particularly impressive, but they are not supposed to be. We are observing everyday life for this mother and daughter, and they lead relatively normal lives. The simplicity makes it relatable for everyone. Brooks is probably most known for his role in helping create the iconic Mary Tyler Moore Show. I see so many similarities between that show and Terms of Endearment. Now, the latter obviously leans heavy on drama while MTM mainly focuses on situational comedy. However, both feature a cast of characters that are deeply flawed…they’re human. Brooks is at his best when highlighting the frailties of individuals while also exposing the goodness at the core of most human beings. We like to laugh and revel in good company. We want romance and strive to find “our person.” But we also make mistakes. We waste breath and say hurtful things. All of this makes up life, and we must take that for what it is – simply a brief period of time where we can try our best for the people we love.
A character-driven film requires perfect performances from its actors. MacLaine and Nicholson both won much deserved Oscars, but Winger, Daniels, and John Lithgow (who plays a love interest of Emma’s) give wonderful performances as well. Daniel’s character Flap is not supposed to be likable, but I never feel completely down on him. Daniel’s ability to elicit compassion from the audience for someone who more or less lives up to the name “Flap,” is a true feat. The chemistry between MacLaine and Nicholson is palpable, and the two work extremely well together. Similar to the situation with Flap, we are not necessarily Aurora’s biggest cheerleaders. But through the compelling honesty in her performance, MacLaine commands our attention to her character and nudges us to see the good in her.
“How are you? It’s not my fault, but I’m sorry.”
– Aurora Greenway
40 years after its release, Terms of Endearment continues to evoke emotional responses from old and new audiences. The message is simple and timeless. From our relationships, to our jobs, and our health, life can get messy. Although these factors can bear a lot of weight and require a lot of our energy, in the end, we do not have much control over how they play out. The one thing we can do is be there for each other. Aurora takes care of Emma and allows Garrett to take care of her. Emma supports her mother, and when Emma’s health fails, Flap learns to support her. Once we set aside our differences and acknowledge our shortcomings, we will relish the moments that make life wonderful. As the film progresses, we are reminded that time is fleeting, and we must meet people where they are at and love them for who they are.